Average Woman

My Good Body October 27, 2007

My body is pretty amazing. I mean really amazing. Fantastically fantabulously phenomenal! Oh yeah, those are my made-up words for things that are too great for the traditional stand-by’s. So here is my TOP TEN THINGS that my body has done for me

1. My body has brought not 1 life into this world, but 2! Precious cargo that was carried, and nurtured within my womb for 9 agonizing months. Protecting and growing the purest forms of innocence. That’s pretty cool!

2. My body has made it through Navy Boot camp. I pulled 10 weeks of grueling mental and physical punishment and came out the other side stronger and more capable.

3. My body has walked me to and from classes all over campus for the past 5 years. (God has it been that long?) Getting up at 6AM, getting boys dressed and off to daycare or school, putting in a full day of studies before settling in at home with dinner, baths, and homework.

4. My body has protected me from abuse from my parents and myself. I have tormented and starved and brutalized it, but yet she still takes care of me.

5. My body performs whenever I ask it to. I can run, jump, roll, skip, and hop all the way around the world if I wanted to.

6. My body allows me to experience sexual pleasure. She doesn’t just allow me, she gets into it, both giving and recieving.

7. My body provides a soft place for both my lover and my children to lay down their heads upon.

8. My body provides warmth and a willing lap for my dog to relax within.

9. My body is a haven not just for me, but for my family as well.

10. My body is beautiful, all the curves and hills and scars are proof that I have lived and am a strong capable and fabulous woman!

Anti-Diet Zone October 27, 2007

For the past few years (2 to be exact) I have counted calories, both in and out. I had done so “well” in the beginning. I lost 50 pounds, then the weightloss stopped. I would see-saw up and down the same 5 pounds over and over again. I became miserable.

My self worth has been linked directly to the numbers on the scale. Every morning I would strip down naked and taking a deep breath I would step on the scale praying that the numbers would give me permission to be happy for that day. Some days they did, but most days they didn’t. I found out the painful way that your period can cause you to gain like 5 pounds over night; I barely forced myself out the front door that morning. Then I would go about my day obsessing over how many calories I was burning, I would pump my arms a little harder, take the stairs a little faster and chew my food a little longer. I didn’t enjoy exercise but I did it. I would get on that treadmill and chant “1-6-0, 1-6-0” feeling like a fat hamster, running and running but not getting anywhere. 

 I was beyond obsessed with my food. If I didn’t know what the calorie and fat content was, I wouldn’t dare touch it to my lips. I would go online and track every morsel that I had eaten as well as those that I had yet to even prepare! When I wasn’t tracking my food, I was thinking about it. Constantly dreaming about ice cream, cake, and French fries. Then we would have a special occasion like a birthday or a carnival and I would binge. Completely out of control I would eat and eat until I was so nauseas and bloated. Then I would wallow in self hatred for days wondering why I was so weak. The binges started increasing; my “special occasions” list seemed to grow. I had my period binge, my manic episode binge, my study binge, and so on. I was stuck in emotional eating hell.  I realize now that I have an eating disorder. No, it wasn’t anorexia, or bulimia, it doesn’t yet have a name that I know of, despite the fact that millions seem to suffer from it. I call it body obsessive disorder, a mixture between body dysmorphic and obsessive compulsive disorder. What gets me is that we consider this a good thing. We are taught not to accept ourselves until we reach that size 00 tight and toned body. So no matter how good you may look, it doesnt matter in the bigger picture.   

Then one day while surfing the internet I stumbled upon a website that spoke out about the fat acceptance movement and Health at every size. It was so liberating to think about being satisfied with your weight regardless of the number. I stopped visiting my weight loss sites and focused on additional blogs that promoted HAES. Already I am feeling better; I haven’t been on the scale in almost a week. I have stopped counting calories and have started listening to my body more. I eat when I am hungry and stop when I am full. If I want a snack, I eat one and that does NOT make me a bad person. I have also noticed that in just a few days, my binges have stopped. I’m not even hungry in the evenings! I am already a happier person and that is such a relief. It’s not over though, I have a long journey ahead of me and that’s okay. Life should be lived and I would rather spend my time focusing on bigger issues than my waistline. I look forward to being active without focusing on the calorie burn.

 This is why I have deemed this an ANTI-DIET zone. Free from talk of calories or weight loss strategies. I have so much more in my life to spend time on, and diets just don’t fit anymore