Anorexia and the layperson

I have been thinking a lot lately of the amount of weight I had initially lost over the past two years, the emotional turmoil within that time and the amazing coincidences that my “healthy lifestyle change” and anorexia share. It’s truly scary to think about…

My journey started because I wasnt comfortable in my own skin. Why? I dunno, maybe because I have grown up a size 8 and learned early on that if you were a woman, you were to be thin and sexy to keep a man. (My mom was screwed up) and she passed these views on to me. The fact that she was always dieting and then would binge on pie and ice cream. She was unhappy in her marriage and tried to save it and herself by doing the “right thing” by her husband. (If I make a good enough meal, If I keep a clean enough house, and if I just get skinny enough than he wont have an affair and leave me). It didnt work and they are currently in the middle of a nasty divorce. Not that it’s anyone fault per se. It just wasnt meant to be. (He did cheat, but with a woman who was older, fatter, and more comfortable in her own skin) Go figure that one out.

Regardless, here I am a new mom and wife trying to figure out this grown up woman role I am to be playing. I even went to a model cattle call to reinforce my self worth and aftert recieving a call from Washington DC I had it. I was pretty and I could be a model even with the baby weight from my then 6 week old son. Was it enough? Nope…

So before long the stress of college and marriage and motherhood took its toll and I  found myself in size *gasp* 16!! So I got motivated and joined a free site to help me “change my lifestyle”! How could that be bad? So I joined up and got “serious” losing 50 pounds in the first year. Problem is, I didnt really “change my lifestyle” and some of the weight came back on.

I was devestated and I yelled at my body, and ranted at my body, called it a traitor and fell into a devestating depression. How could I ever be pretty with all this FAT on my body.

Then I found Kate and her blog Shapely Prose and I started to get some confidence back. I found Joy Nash and she was an inspiration and now here I am almost a month later and I consider myself in recovery. I had an eating disorder and instead of help, I recieved praise, and encouragement. How sick is this society when we encourage eating disorders?

So I decided to do some research, I knew I hadnt been an anorexic. But how close had I become? What similarities are there between anorexic sites and my weight loss site? I had no clue how disturbing I would find the results to be…